The Ride of Your Life
Congratulations. If you're reading this book you are likely a new or soon-to-be
new stepmother and wife. Hold, on-- because this is going to be the wildest
ride of your life. And, like most wild rides it will scare the hell out
of you and make you laugh your tail off-- all at the same time.
When I got married a few years ago, the media had just released a rash
of reports on the dismal outlook for any woman over thirty hoping to get
married. According to experts, I was in my marital sunset years and damn
lucky to have landed a living, breathing straight man who wasn't drooling
or in need of a sugar mama. I could hardly believe my good fortune. My
husband-to-be was handsome and tall which served my need to feel thin
and small. He was nuts about me and laughed at most of my jokes. But,
there was one minor detail; my knight had small family complete with two
boys and an ex-wife nearby. Love-struck and relieved that there was still
at least one good guy left, I willingly overlooked what seemed like mere
minutiae at the time and pursed the relationship with gusto!
Within four months of our meeting, Mark, my soon to be fiancé,
and his little township moved into my one bedroom 900 square foot condo.
It was bliss. When his boys weren't with us, we basked in the glow of
new love. When they were with us (one-third of the time), Mark and I slept
like sardines on a borrowed futon in the living room while the boys slept
like snoring rocks in the bedroom. It was an ongoing slumber party. Within
a year we were all happily engaged. But a year later and many months into
our marriage the slumber party came to a screeching halt. I was ready
to scream "uncle," as well as some other choice expletives.
Distraught that I wasn't enamored with my role as a stepmother, I sought
some practical counsel from friends and family on the dos and don'ts of
keeping the romance while helping to raise someone else's kids. Much to
my chagrin I found that no one in my circle of confidants had any helpful
advice because they hadn't been there. I was further stunned to find so
few books written on the topic.
After several trips to the bookstore and the library I found a few tomes
that tackled the stepmother subject buried among the many self-help books
written on biological parenting, childbirth and divorce. With the exception
of The Complete Idiots Guide to Stepparenting (which targeted idiot stepmothers),
most books were written for discouraged stepmothers on the brink of disaster
or, at the very least, divorce. It was depressing!
Disappointed by the lack of written guidance, I sought out a local stepmother
support group. Six of us sat in a circle as the facilitator encouraged
us to spill our stories of crisis and frustration. I left feeling turned
off and glad I hadn't attended the group before I agreed to get married.
Instead of tales of woe, I wanted to hear about the seven, twelve or sixteen
steps for stepmother success. What I needed was a savvy stepmother role
model. A Carol Brady or Maria Von Trapp with a sense of humor-- a fresh-faced
stepmother who actually liked being one.
With few options and no role model, I tried to construct the steps to
success on my own, making them up and trying them out as I stumbled along.
Now, years later, I still occasionally stumble and fall, but most of the
time I'm amazed at how much enjoyment and satisfaction I get from my ready-made
family.
The Single Girl's Guide to Marrying
a Man, His Kids and His Ex-Wife is written for you, the budding stepmother
and wife. I hope it can give you the support, camaraderie and inspiration
that I longed for in those first few years of marriage and stepmotherhood.
While I can't personally meet you for coffee to brag about stepkids or
to advise you about how to behave at Little League games or piano recitals,
I can offer you some honest and straightforward firsthand guidance from
a seasoned pro and the dozens of sassy stepmother friends I interviewed.
So please, sit back, pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy the ride.
