Take your role as stepmom seriously. The kids have had enough uncertainty and upheaval with the divorce – they need any stability you can help provide. This doesn’t necessarily mean taking on the full ‘Mom’ role – it means recognizing and being wise about your impact and influence. Know and understand your limits (Do you want to cook for them? Do their laundry? Attend their teacher conferences? Be their friend or their parent?). It’s easy to over commit and get resentful of the demands placed on you. Set aside something (time, money, anything) for yourself. Agree early on with your partner on discipline. (How far do you go before he takes over? Are you equal disciplinarians? Does he do it all?). It’s important that you back each other up – but that’s just good parenting. Make sure the "respect your stepmom" message comes in loud and clear from their dad. Some dad’s feel guilty about the situation their kids are in and let their kids behave in a way that is inappropriate. It doesn’t set a good example for the kids, and it could make your life miserable. You deserve respect! Follow the kids lead. You can’t force a certain kind of relationship YOU want to have on them. Let them know you are always there for them (and will always be there for them) if they can’t talk with one of their parents or for any other reason. Reach out to them when appropriate, but don’t push. Never bad-mouth your stepchildren’s bio-mom – directly or subtlety. Make your bedroom off-limits to the kids. Never lose your sassy stepmother sense of humor!